Unemployed Bum's Recession Special Bike Check

So here is the story, we got this intern couple months back, goes by Retardo Montalban.
When he first called us up begging for an opportunity at C2D HQ, his overly enthusiastic approach coupled with his delicate, if not exactly politically correct name, put up a few warning signs. But we have open minds and hearts here at C2D, we give chances, we see potential. We're similar to things that you don't even know exist, you know what we mean?
We decided to try him out, get his feet moist, give him the ol' shinding - and we must say, so far, the "Tard", as we lovingly nicknamed the lil fella, is one bright firefly. Between hand frothing our lattes and foot trafficing our office he's been hard at work on his first feature - a bike check manifesto of sorts. An equivalent of a shoutout insert in the greatest hiphop album ever made, but about bicycles.
Enough with the introduction. Introductions don't pay bills or fly you to Phoenix to shoot custom rifles. I'd like to present to you Retardo Montalban and The Unemployed Bum's Recession Special Bike Check.

The Unemployed Bum's Recession Special Bike Check.
by retardo montalban

Just because the economy is in the tank and your job had its ass
pulled out from under you, doesn't mean you can't build yourself a
new bike. You most likely have a bunch of friends with more bike parts
than sense, since they are forever upgrading to the latest, newest,
shiniest, lightest, biggest, and smallest. Take this bike below,
for example:

This is what you get when your grand plans of a spec'd-out,
dialed Superco Charger has been ripped from your undeserving
mitts by the callous hands of unemployment. Time to reassess,
dial up your favorite online internet blowout retailers,
cannibalize your own bikes, and, most importantly, hit up
those friends.

The frame and fork are new, the latter a blowout special.
Cranks are also new, the one big splurge was a hollow spindle.
Wheels and bar/stem were defrocked from my DH bike. Everything
else you see was generously donated by my riding bros. I got
this thing done just in time for the area's one big snowstorm
of the season, so riding time so far is pretty much been nil.
Still, it's done, and I have a lot of time to ride it.
So all in all, a shitty economy has worked out pretty well
for me. At least until rent is due next month.

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