Governor's Island Prison Camp, er, I Mean Beer Fest 2010

So there I was, bummed it was Monday already and I wasn't able to make it to the Governor's Island beer fest over the weekend.  There was so much potential, so many good breweries, I'm sure I missed out on a banger.

Then, I talked to my girl Phil who went.   Yes, her name is Phil.   She provided us with exclusive details on how the day went down.   Now I don't feel bad at all.  

Phil A. Mingon:

The afternoon of the 4th annual NYC Brewfest was, for all intents and purposes, perfect.  Hot, a little muggy, but with an event where one would have to average 67 beers an hour to get through all 300 samples available, perfect!  If only….

Sadly, once in the gates (which opened a half hour later then promised for general admission) one was instantly transported to those summers in prison camp.  The makeshift chain link fences that were erected to corral the drunks would have served a purpose if there were even the slight chance of catching a buzz.  Sadly, it became clear almost immediately that would never happen.

Ten thousand ticket holders (netting well over 600k for the event) crowded into the most hap hazard lines that I have ever seen outside of Spain.  Once waiting for 20 minutes in each line one would receive 1.5 – 2 oz of 1 of the beers that the breweries offered.  Then one would shuffle through the crowds to the back of another line and wait.  And wait.  And wait. 

The mood of the crowd was surprisingly jubilant despite the glaring flaws on part of the events planners.  I mean, hell, it is a beautiful day on Governor’s Island, the beer was all around (even if you could not get to it, the promise was there) and Heartland Brewery was offering all of the culinary treats that a beer aficionado could want.  I was married to the ‘hot home made potato chips’ from the get go.  After several hours of trying (and failing) my best to make the ticket price worth wile by sampling brews, my friends and I entered the food line.  An hour later when we reached the front we were told they were out of everything we wanted.  Our options were limited to hotdogs or hamburgers….seriously, they ran out of cheese.  There was 2 hours left until the 8 P.M. end.  Sitting on the grass, my two friends and I finally accepted what we had been trying to fight all day…that Brewfest 2010 was a complete fail.  I believe the term ‘abortion of a day’ came up more then once.

So, then it was time to go off to the ferry.  In what way could they possibly mess this one up?  I mean, ferries run back and froth all day.  Surely they must have this bit well planned out. ..

The masses left Brewfest and headed to the dock.  We were promptly corralled into a needlessly small area for the amount of people that were there.  The NYC police officers assigned to oversee this process were as useless as blind chauffeurs.  As always happens, there were those that can only be described as ‘Gucci Bitches’ who, for some reason, thought that they would get there faster if they elbowed, pushed and knocked down who ever was in their way.  After one such woman pushed past me and gave up on her attempt to move forward I was forced to listen to her tell a 20 minute story about how she and her boyfriend had gotten into a fight over reality whores Heidi and Spencer.  All of a sudden it dawned on me, really this was my fault.  I should never be optimistic about events of this nature that do not adhere to a strict ‘must not suck at life’ screening process of its participants.

Honestly, if this had been the first year that Brewfest had run, then I could let all or most of these slights slide.  Four years into it, the questionable planners at Heartland Brewery should have this down to a successful science.  There should have been half the people or twice the stalls.  And really, when ordering cheese, make sure there is a slice per burger.  How many meat eaters opt out of the cheese?

Next year, on the day of Brewfest, I plan on gathering my friends at Bierkraft.  There, we can each spend $30 (less the half the cost of a Brewfest ticket) on some quality suds.  We will sit on a roof and drink from glasses that were not intended for the use of pygmies and celebrate what a beer tasting should be.

- Excellent work Phil!   Thanks!

Tweet