"John! They're Stealing!!!"

Voter turnout for our recent Shoplifting Poll was a bit lower than usual...we assume because of our readers' aversion to self-incrimination. However, a few of you were able to overcome the fear of Big Brother's spybots tracking your suspicious activity and rep your street cred. As the (formerly) stickiest-fingered member of the C2D crew it is my honor to present the results as follows:

"200 for a sweater? Pa you must be smokin' dust...you know I stay fresh-dipped in some stolen stuff" (Ski-Black, LoLife Founders "L.O.L.I.F.E.")

20% of our readers felt the same way, having lifted an item costing $200 or more. When you look at the cost of electronics, jewelry, and any designer outerwear, you see that it is remarkably easy to shoplift over $200 worth of gear, leading us to believe that not many of our fans participated in the Million Man Rush...

"The hand is quicker than the eye, store manager counted 8 shirts, and now there's only 5..." (Thirstin Howl III "Million Man Rush")

Another 20% fessed-up to having ganked some $100-150 items, with only one less reader (15%) having pocketed $50-100 in one fell swoop. This is a pretty easy price range of items to steal, which can include jeans, shoes, sunglasses, and cameras/electronics that are too generic to keep behind a counter.

"A LoLife like Frankie Vaughn Claiborne, couldn't find a reason for anything to be paid for..." (THIII "John They're Stealing Pt.1")

There was a strange gap in the $10-25 range (0%), which implies that our readership tends towards a younger generation that grew up downloading music for free, and never had to stick a sharp-edged CD jewel case down their asscrack and do the duck-walk past mall security. Kids these days don't appreciate how good they got it!

"...for personal checks and Polo USA Turtlenecks, in the bodegas we steal bottles of Becks..." (Rack Lo "John They're Stealing Pt.1")

The candybar & soda thieves ($5 or less = 10%) tied with the $25-50 crowd (10%), who most likely steal...well, I'm not sure what commonly-stolen items cost $25-50, but I can tell you from experience that if you're going to go for it, you might as well go for it 'cause the store doesn't care if you got $25 or $100 worth in your crotch...you're gonna pay dearly either way. So go for the gold!
(aka why take the Shuffle when you can get the Touch?)

However, our hats really go off to the 20% of our voters who stated "Never, that's a crime!" Not because we really feel that they are upstanding moral citizens, but because its clear that anyone who would choose that option on an anonymous internet poll is trying to cover up a life of sin and debauchery that may or may not have been the inspiration for the Grand Theft Auto series...

And to the "Fuck a blog" guy (1 sad lonely vote...):


Curtis Chorizali said...


love that freestyle too.
i remember lifting a pack of watermelon bubble yum pretty much every morning for a year straight. everyone in 7th grade was like damn, how does this kid chew the best gum all the damn time.

donde said...

TH in a bookstore, now THAT seems impressive

Gatito Terristo said...

we used to steal snacks from our middle school store. my accomplice would stand at the counter while I stood behind him in line. he would ask the clerk to microwave something and while the clerk was distracted, pass me the goods.

Accatone Becchino said...

by popular demand, i'll be doing a series of posts detailing some of my shoplifting exploits from my youth, complete with foot-chases and asking cops for help while loaded down with stolen goods.....