Most Stitches At One Time?

So how many have you had at one time? No, we are not talking about those stitches you got when you got your appendix removed at the age of 7. We are talking manly man stitches. Stitches you earned doing something unnecessary and dumb or something totally sweet. Those ones.
P.S. What pic? Oh THAT pic. That is why you shouldn't be riding street in Reebok Classics, drunk.

Tweet

Broken Bones Poll Sumup

So let me guess, back in March 2010 you voted on the "How many broken bones have you had?" poll and ever since been patiently waiting for our sum up? Really? That's pretty crazy, but anyway, here they are, you nutcase.

 

1	2 (8%)
2	2 (8%)
3	0 (0%)
4	6 (24%)
5+	5 (20%)
none!	6 (24%)
you're stupid	4 (16%)

Seems like majority either broke 4 bones or none at all. I hang tough in the 5 bone category. 3 of which were bike related. I guess you could call me Snappy. 

Tweet

I Never Sleep, Cause Sleep Is The Cousin Of Death

So how much DO you all sleep on average? We ran a poll last week to find out just that and the results, I must say, make me happy. 6 hours is what I get, and it appears that 42% of you are working on about the same amount. Good good. There was a handful of you who had the luxury of 7, 8 hours. A few who only got painful 5 or under, and of course a few class clowns who had to be rebellious and give a big ol' "fuck you" to the c2d's scientific and holy research and vote for 11+ hour option. But then again, I guess thats why we put that option there...

6 hours is not really enough, and I often find myself yawning here and there, but it will have to do.

Tweet

Mo Money Mo Money Mo Money

The bread, the cheese, and the dough. Three major food groups. Until we manage a way to squat the internet, it's gonna be an issue. Now, I know we come off as a baller ass company, and we are. Just ask our interns, our office party had a baller ass spread of assorted fruits and cheeses. But little things like rent, we just don't like to contribute to, being the forward thinkers that we are, we are fighting a battle against the system, and this is our form of resistance.

Actually that baller ass spread cost a bit too much, and now we need some $$$.

We asked the world for advice, and it looks like we are gonna need some coin rollers. Pull those crowbars out of retirement boys, yer gonna earn that Edible Arrangements the old fashioned way, by vandalizing vending machines...

Sell candy on the subway 4 (25%)
Open a daycare in our office 4 (25%)
Door to door knive sales/armed robbery 3 (18%)
exotic pet smuggling 3 (18%)
Nigerian prince emails 2 (12%)
Operation Vending Machine Liberation 6 (37%)
Get better ads 6 (37%)
Closet moonshine stills 5 (31%)
Herb garden for fun and profit 5 (31%)
Sell collection of Clay Aiken memorabilia 2 (12%)
Open a boutique store 5 (31%)
Fake H1N1 vaccine scam 4 (25%)
Take back beer bottles for deposit 4 (25%)
Sell our cd's in front of Fat Beats 3 (18%)

Something about ads too, but thats not really as fun. Anyone wanna buy ad space. we'll host a banner ad for a year for a pepperidge farm sausage basket.

Tweet

Sarah Palin Promotes A More Entruprenuuurist Condusive Nation

Big ballin is my hobby, so it was only a matter of time before we took c2d to the next level. At first we thought, maybe a used electronics store, or maybe a pawn shop that catered towards sacred artifacts. Nope, that’s not baller status.

Baller status = boutique store.

You know, one of those places where we sit around all day, with our friends, and act like we are better than you, the customer. But that would get boring so we need paintball and airsoft guns to really show our lack of appreciation for buying overpriced clothes and shit

Ok, so not all boutique workers are total assholes, but there quite a few of em. (put your suggestions in the comments)

Right off the bat, we need clothes, bikes and bike parts. Next up, the most important thing is beer. Now that’s a no brainer, but making it available for sale is licensing nightmare im sure, unless we set up shop on a boat in international waters, complete with monkey knife fights.

It does paint a pretty picture, something like old school halcyon (record –coffee- beer – furniture store), but with bikes, ramps, clothes, shoes, and beat battles. Throw a ps3 in there, some turntables, a nice location, and hmm, what else, oh yea – PAYING CUSTOMERS!

sneakers 8 (40%)
clothes 11 (55%)
street/park/dj parts/bikes 12 (60%)
other bike parts/bikes 3 (15%)
music/records/mixes 9 (45%)
audio gear/equipment 2 (10%)
food/drinks 3 (15%)
microbrews/beer 10 (50%)
bike accessories 5 (25%)
toys/video games 3 (15%)
skateboards 3 (15%)
graff/art supplies 6 (30%)
bike services/maintenance 2 (10%)
you MUST have a mini-ramp! 9 (45%)
you MUST have beat battles! 6 (30%)
you MUST be fuckin dumb and crazy! 4 (20%)
yet another NYC Boutique? no thanks! 3 (15%)

Quotes gallore

Tweet

The Weekend Update Poll

One of our great modern day poets once said “everybody is working for the weekend.” Simple, yet so true. That is unless you are unemployed and then everyday is like a weekend, a really broke weekend though, and that kinda sucks. So after a long week at the office or on the farm, or in the mines, or killing criminals, how do you like to spend your 2 days off? Is it 48 hours of sleepless debauchery? Do you just chill out on the couch? Maybe the weekend is your special time and you like to light some candles, pour a nice bubble bath and watch your Sex In The City DVDs. Hey, we don’t judge over here. We had a staff diaper party a few weeks back, which was hilarious until Curtis slipped an intern a laxative laced cocktail. The theme party went downhill real fast after that. The ladies were the first to go and then it just got kinda awkward.

So, if it’s a combination of things, pick a few choices from the poll to your right. Just don’t lie, cause we hate liars.

(Sorry, we left off hanging out on the beach with a rich corpse, but if you have something else we spaced on, just leave it in the comments)

Tweet

Beer, Some People Drink It...the Poll

Im supposed to do a write up on the beer cause apparently I like, maybe a bit too much, cuz im still drunk and its noon. Thanks Turrbotax for the free Asahi beer, but no thanks for being drunk at noon the next day. So…ah, back to beer. Its good, and people drink it, but lets face it, there are many many choices. Do you have a beer that your loyal too, and would never cheat on in a hundred million years, or do you play the field and put your mouth on any tall glass that walks by? I know we got some beer snobs out there, and we got some home brew drinkers so this should run the whole field. If, we didn’t manage to provide the right answers, feel free to leave your own super special submission in the comment section below.


If beer is no good and you like to drink water or beet juice or tri-filtered gasoline, sorry, that will be another poll. In the meantime, throw up a vote, while I sip some coffee and try not to throw up. Yum

Tweet

New Poll: How Do You Productively Spend Your Time?

Day trading, working on your own business, or maybe you are studying for you masters/phd. Those are all good answers, but lets not fool ourselves here, if you are lucky enough to have a job now, it's probably at a much lower pay rate than your used to. Shit, you might just be thankful to have that extension on your unemployment. That being the case, if your not drowning your sorrows with heavy doses of alcohol and drugs and inching by day to day in a lethargic manner, the most productive thing you are doing nowadays is playing video games (or writing shitty blogs, riding bikes, selling dope, etc... but i guess that's another poll). Look, that sounds bleak, but it's better than planning crime sprees and murdering people that are pushing you too far (collection callers, im talking to you). Consider yourself the hero of the dying economy, you are keeping commerce alive by putting your hard earned dollars back into the system.

So, I guess the next step is, how broke are you (ie. which system)?

Did you settle for a Sega Genesis from Goodwill after returning all those empty bottles?
Maybe bought an Xbox360 with your tax refund (nice investment)
Maybe you had to go back to your folks attic and dig that atari 2600 out.
Maybe you thought a ps3 was a wise choice since it comes with a bluray player and instead of cable you can watch streaming shows thru it online.....

These things happen, we are not judging.
But seriously if anyone has a working copy of super dodge ball for original NES holler!!! I want in, that game was the shit!!

Check out the poll to your right and vote

Tweet

Do you ever drink/burn before a bike ride?

So, do you? You DO know its not legal right? Just don't get caught, cause you'll surely feel like a retard getting a DUI for riding a kids bike.
35% of you have the right idea... while 23% of you have the idea that ALL of us should have, but don't.
I tend to be more of a 17% type of rider, which pretty much ensures that I will never ever ever learn anything new or stop injuring myself, but it always seems like a good idea before the fact.

Alot of people who ride trails sip and twist all day, nothing wrong with that, since all that diggin is involved... but if you're riding street/park?

I think that drinkin a lil something after a exhausting bike ride is where its at. Nothing like catching a ice cold pint after a ride and before a ride home, when u're all tired out. Ahhh, I love that.

Whats the moral? Stay sober, stay focused, stay healthy, stay safe, stay cool and skillful. Choose life, and to quote my boy Renton from Trainspotting....

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? "

a beer or two dont hurt			(15%)
i slam a six pack, fuck yea			(5%)
twirl a lil blizzy for the chill factor			(17%)
100% sober and focused			(23%)
operating a bicycle under influence is illegal			(0%)
i twist up after i ride			(2%)
burn + drink while you ride, pansy!			(35%)

Tweet

Poll Results: Apocalypse Weaponry

the results are in....did you choose wisely? or are you doomed to wander the apocalyptic wasteland with your chosen weapon shoved up your ass sideways by Lord Humongous?

Nothing: 0%


wisely, our readers realized that going into the end of the world bare handed is the equivalent of facing the zombie hordes armed with a Supersoaker full of urine...

Axe, Bat, or other Blunt Object: 0%


sure, the Cold Steel Brooklyn Smasher is great for disposing of old entertainment centers in the backyard (see above), but fighting your way thru hordes of starving mobs for the last can of dogfood is going to be a lot of work. besides, most guns, when out of ammo, become a club anyways....

Pistol: 14%


while a handgun is a necessity in today's grimy urban landscape, it may be a poor choice for the unknown future. ammo conservation is going to be a primary concern, and handguns require getting up close and personal to make effective hits. have you seen the Road Warrior? do you want to be within pistol range of the Feral Child? or up on a hilltop raining in death upon the mongoloid survivors or a nuclear holocaust?

Shotgun: 14%



once again, although hollywood likes to make us think that the shotgun unleashes a swath of destruction on everything in its path, reality is a bit more subdued. like the pistol, shotguns lack range and hold little ammo. if the apocalypse of your dreams is swarmed with duck, geese, grouse, doves, and flying squirrels than you just might make it with a shotgun...

Submachine Gun: 14%


my preferred weapon for a Zombie Uprising, the SMG will suffice for end of the world duty in a pinch. basically a shoulder-fired pistol, you can squeeze out a lot more accuracy with the SMG, and extend your range to a hundred meters. 30 round mags are the norm for this class of weapon, making this a compact ball of fury that can work wonders on a crowd at close-quarters. however, other than reduced size, you're not getting any advantage over an assault rifle.
the above comments do not apply to machine pistols (Glock 18, Mac10, Uzi pistol), only to SMGs with stocks and an option for semi-auto fire (MP5, AR15 9mm, Uzi).

Hunting Rifle: 21%


despite the lack of "cool factor," the hunting rifle is a good choice if you plan on shooting more 4-legged than 2-legged varmints. which is a good idea, unless you plan on resorting to cannibalism in the first week (like me). while not capable of a high rate-of-fire, don't forget that the difference between a hunting rifle and a sniper rifle is how many Carlos Hatchcock books the operator has read...
head shots at 500+ meters beats smelling the putrid apocalypse-breath of your opponent at arms-length (again, remember the Feral Child. ick.)

AK47 / AR15: 35%



its the end of the world. its fucking war. what do soldiers carry in war? fucking rifles!
there are numerous internet forums full of slobbering retards to argue the merits of the AK versus the AR platform. but if the shit hits the fan, pick up whatever one you can get your hands on and start pumping rounds into the faces of any motherfucker who has gas, grub, or a teenage daughter (all valuable trade commodities in the world of the future).
AK47s, like cockroaches & twinkies, are the most likely to survive in the harsh post-apocalyptic wasteland. but an AR15 with a spare parts kit will give you 2-300 yards of accurate range over an AK.

The Apocalypse, like a side-scrolling video game from the 80's, is most likely going to require that you start with shit and take better weapons from your slain foes. but its never too late to start stockpiling, so get what you can now and have one less thing to worry about when 1/4 of the earth's remaining population are Feral Children. with razor-boomerangs. seriously.

*props to Yoni for the pics that don't look like shit*

Tweet

New Poll: Weapon Of Choice For Upcoming Fall Of Civilization

Is this off topic? I think we can all relate to this one, although this article would have been good for the last poll.


Just imagine the scenario: power goes out for a month, or even just the internet...

Commerce would grind to a halt, money would be stuck in banks. phones? nope

sure, solar calculators would work, and pencils and ledgers....but i think the world would resort to chaos before that would happen.

how long would people go without money, how long would food last, generators, water, etc...

i got people punching each other on my train cuz "he breathed in my face" so something tells me it wouldn't last too long.

so, here comes the new poll (nice and uplifting just as promised)

Tweet

Bike Anger Poll Results Are In

Who pisses you off the most as you bike around? (vote for a few if you got alot of hate)

no one! stop hatin! 2 (12%)
white hipster bikers 2 (12%)
old asian pedastrians 2 (12%)
small dogs 4 (25%)
cops and cop cars 10 (62%)
hasidic minivan drivers 8 (50%)
german tourists 0 (0%)
taxi cabs 3 (18%)
bike lane parkers 7 (43%)
african dollar vans 0 (0%)
bikers in flipflops 3 (18%)
Votes : 16


Results are in and surprise surprise, everyone hates the cops. And I guess this poll was a bit geographically biased. I'm sure we could have included rednecks in big trucks with gunracks or daddies little girl in an $80,000 beamer that cant drive for shit etc... I guess there is a fine medium that needs to be drawn between goin crazy like these dudes:


and getting tattoos like this:
I just really needed an outlet for that ugliesttattoos pic, glad i could squeeze it in here.

We'll try and go for a lighter topic on the next one. Maybe whats your favorite falafel or something. kittens vs puppies? sunshine vs cool breeze? hmmm

Tweet

So? What kind a bike is it (damn it)

Don't forget to vote in our "What kind of bike do you ride" poll, since we desperately need this information to get our cousin Jermaine out of FBI confinement. Don't fuck with us.

Tweet

Fuck You Cheese!!!

So, I can only assume our viewers are lactose intolerant.

Here are the "Whats yer favorite cheese" poll results

American 0 (0%)
Cheddar 2 (18%)
Edam 1 (9%)
Havrati 0 (0%)
Muenster 3 (27%)
Swiss 1 (9%)

Fuck you and your cheese!
4 (36%)

Intolerance is a bad thing people, and should never be based on dairy content, only race, sex, or religion (and sometimes odor).

I mean, its not like we got you to eat a tampon or something.

Tweet

The Concert Poll Results Are In

So the facts speak for themselves...

Slayer in 87 - 1 (7%)
Wu Tang in 95 - 2 (15%)
Led Zeppelin in 74 - 1 (7%)
Michael Jackson in 84 - 6 (46%)
Bob Marley in 73 - 3 (23%)
I'm allergic - 0 (0%)

I had my money on "I'm allergic..." - because its either me or everyone else who has a problem, except apparently this specific allergy refers to flux capacitors, and as a result, picking that choice would be a lie. One just cant afford to spend too much time accessing pointless risks, and as a result when a question arises its important to stick to your decision. Unsurprisingly, this reminds me of a commitment many of us have made to ourselves and others. And if it wasn't for the gift, we would all be lost. And as R dot Kelly sings from the soul, so do our polls. It just wouldn't internet democracy any other way. C2D will help. Enjoy...... enjoy.

P.S. Vegetables

Tweet

The Bike Poll Results Are In.....

So, the facts speak for themselves.

Everyday - 6 (46%)
Few times a week - 6 (46%)
Few times a month - 0 (0%)
Few times a year - 0 (0%)
Bike?? That's for kids, man... - 1 (7%)

Total Votes: 13

I don't know which you had $$ down on, but to the victor I want my usual 20% off the top. I saw this mentioned on GoldenPalace by accident thinking it was related to GoldenShowerPalace, but they had the odds on "Few times a month." I guess thats what you get for online gamblers. Never leaving the house. Like online blackjack could be a career. I know some folks have a hard time graduating from World of Warcraft on to the next level, but cmon guys...aim higher.

Tweet

How often do you ride a bike???

New week, new poll.
So, how often do you ride?

Tweet