Blackout In A Can...In a Poll....

With the controversial drink FOUR LOKO in the news almost daily for the last few weeks, C2D executives decided that our street team should do some research. A poll was placed on our site to gauge interest, and our AZ correspondent was recruited to be the test subject for a series of 4LOKO torture sessions, since Arizona was one of the few states that refused to ban this potent concoction.

Here are the results from our reader poll:

The majority of our fans, like our staff, voted in favor of this suicidal beverage, with 38% stating "I've had it, and I love it" (although many wrote in to clarify the complex, love-hate relationship they have with 'Loko, which can't be conveyed via simple poll options)

The fewest results chosen were the options "I've had it, and its nasty" and "WTF is that" at 9% and 3% respectively. The general consensus amongst C2D staff is that these were secondary votes, cast by readers who first chose "I Love It," and re-voted during their hangover. ("WTF is That" is a common reaction from someone recovering from one of these canned blackouts).

An unfortunate 29% claimed that they've "Never had it, and never will." We can only assume these votes came from jurisdictions where 4-Loko has been banned already, since anyone who had the option to become drunk and belligerent from a single canned beverage would surely participate. Hopefully they can live vicariously through the 19% who "Have yet to try it."

As far as the AZ field-testing experiments, our subject has reported blackouts, sluggishness, vomiting-thru-nose, pissing self, and an overwhelming feeling of SHAME. Through a generous grant from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, our staffer was able to procure several dozen cans of "original recipe FOUR LOKO before they were pulled from the shelves, to be replaced by a "Less Crunk*" version of the drink (*citation needed)

(yea, you've seen the pic before...but it's my LOKO and my Bill Gates' Money so...)

anyone doubting the potency of LOKO should watch the following vid for clarification of how awful people can become from drinking it:

and last but not least: random shots of our AZ experiment (to be continued....)

When the LOKO gets low, you can top it off with household chemicals:

"They're pulling LOKO off the shelves!?!?! NNOOOOOOoooo!!!!!"

mix any 3 flavors, and it turns this color (aka LOKO-Punch):

Ready for self-destruction; the fridge before a 10-can bender...

one of these participants is no longer conscious...

LOKO + McRIB = Cry for Help!!! Seriously, cutting your wrists is less dramatic than this...

If you live in an area where you can still get 'Lok'D (even if its baby-formula grade decaf-Loko), we heartily recommend it. None amongst us can endorse the banishment of a product from the market because some people make bad decisions while using it.

Look America: FOUR LOKO did not rape your teenage daughter at that party...I did. While blacked out on 4LOKO. But i would've done it anyways, so, fuck you.

click here for worst-case scenario


Curtis Chorizali said...

this is quite possibly the best poll summary ever. 7 thumbs up.

Donde Estero said...

like 1 40 of St Ides is going to get you right alcohol %. Better off with a 2 litre of Baltica, and a few shots of something.

Anonymous said...

maybe some of this http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/drinks/a273/

c-sick said...

The real question on everyone's mind is: How does it stand up next to a Rocky Dennis?